I used to love him
by kittycat06
Summary: Rory and Logan live apart from each other in high society. Will they find back together?Ch. 15 is up!
1. I love it to watch them

I love it to watch them. I never realized before how cute he looks when he has a child in his arms. I saw him often with Honor's son play and cuddle but it is nothing compared to this. When he has her on his arms it is like my heart is going to melt. He looks at our daughter like he used to look at me. All that love in his eyes and the smile on his face. It is pure happiness.

In moments like this I realize that he will never again look at me like this. It will always be just a memory of the good times we had.

Now they are over. I don't say that I'm not happy, I wanted it like this. But sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I need somebody around, and in five minutes they will be gone and I will be alone in this big house again. All by myself without anybody.

I go around the corner from my place and into the living room.

"Hey!" I say as I enter the living room.

"Hey Rory!" Logan answers. It still sounds weird when he calls me Rory, but I will get used to it. He hasn't called me Ace in three years but it still is unfamiliar if he calls me Rory.

"I used my key because nobody opened the door when I rang. Is that ok?" He says and sets her down.

"Sure. You can come in whenever you want." I answer with a smile. It's strange that we talk about things like this. We have a child together, we used to love each other, but nowadays we act like strangers. I don't like it, but that's how I wanted it. I wanted distance and he gave me what I wanted.

"Hey sweetie, do you have all your things?" I ask our daughter. She smiles at me while holding her daddys hand.

"Yes, mommy! I just need my coat!" she answers me.

She is the best thing that happened in my life. In the past I used to think that Logan was the best thing in my life but now he is no longer really in it. And my little princess has my heart totally.

I go to the closet and take out her coat. Logan and Alexandria following me.

"Here Ally!" I say and help her to slip into her tiny coat.

We always call her Ally. Her full name is Lorelai Alexandria Huntzberger but we called her Ally even before she was born.

"Thanks mommy!" she says.

"I'll bring her back on Sunday around seven, ok?" Logan asks and takes Ally's bag.

"Yeah, sure. I will be here." I answer. The imagination of a full weekend without my little girl drives me crazy. But we do this often and I found ways to keep myself busy and not think to much about the loneliness.

"Say bye to mummy!" Logan says. Ally runs into my waiting arms and hugs me.

"I love you mommy!" she whispers.

"I love you to!" I answer.

She goes back to Logan and he takes her tiny little hand into his. "Bye Ror!" he says before leaving.

"Bye Logan!" I answer while standing in the door frame and waving back at Ally.

After Logan and Ally drove away I close the door and go back inside my now empty house. I wander around the empty rooms only to feel lost and lonely like I used to feel since he's gone.

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Please tell me what you think and if I should continue!

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	2. To turn back time

Hi everybody! I really wanna thank you for your reviews! It' always nice to read them!

Then I wanted to say that I'm really sorry if I make many mistakes but English isn't my first language and I try my best not to make to much spelling or grammar mistakes. And if I use words that are strange or doesn't fit then it isn't my fault but my dictionaries' !

The whole situation with Rory and Logan will be explained during the story so I will not give you any background information.

I hope you enjoy reading my story and please keep the reviews coming!!!

By the way, the rating is for later chapters!

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I spent the weekend with work. I don't mind working at my weekends if Ally isn't around. It keeps me away from my sad thoughts and I don't feel so lonely then. I didn't really talked to anybody this weekend, just to my maid and Steph called once.

She is one of my best friends and knows that I'm lonely on weekends like this. We became really close during our college time and we still are good friends even if Logan and I aren't together any longer.

Steph was always there for both of us and so she became the godmother of Ally.

She called and wanted to go out with me, one of our famous girls nights; but I didn't wanted. I didn't feel like smiling and chatting if I'm on the inside sad.

It's now 6.45 and I am standing at my window watching the driveway. There are paparazzo's outside the gate. I hate it if they wait there. I got used to them after I started dating Logan, but Ally is still afraid if there are too many flashes.

When Logan and I split up and I was pregnant it became really worse with them. I wasn't able to go anywhere without two or three of them following me. But in the last year it became quite because there weren't any scandals.

When I was pregnant and Logan and I didn't announced our wedding it was a really big scandal. Our families tried to force us into a marriage but we didn't want to. During pregnancy it was really hard for both of us, me and Logan. But now we arranged ourselves with our lives and we managed to have some kind of routine in it.

Most of the time Ally spends with me but we try to spend as much time as possible as some kind of family or like last weekend. I really want Ally to have a good relationship to her father even if that means that I have to put my own feelings behind.

Logan and Ally arrive ten minutes later. The paparazzo become like always crazy. I open the door for Logan and Ally and she runs into my arms. I feel the flashes on my face and we shut the door as soon as possible.

When we are finally inside Ally starts to tell me about her weekend with her dad immediately. For her Logan is some kind of a hero. I listen to her explanations about a trip to the zoo while going inside the living room.

We sit down on the couch while Logan brings her bags upstairs into her room.

Ally still talks when he comes down the stairs .It is nice to have people around again. This weekend was way too lonely for my taste. Logan sends me a smile and sits down next to me.

In moments like this I feel like we really are a family. These are the moments where everything feels right.

Even if Logan and I aren't in love like we used to be he is still the one for me; he is the one with whom I wanna have a family but it is too late. We will never be together like we were back then.

Ally stops talking and smiles at me. "It sounds like a lot of fun!" I say to her. "But now you go upstairs and wash your hands, dinner will be ready soon!" I say to her. She stands up and runs up the stairs; leaving me and Logan alone in the living room.

"So it was a nice weekend?" I ask turning my attention to Logan.

"Really nice" he answers "but to short!" he smiles sadly and looks away.

I know that he misses Ally like hell if she isn't around and it hurts me because I don't want him to feel like this.

"I know" I answer.

We sit in silence for a moment both understanding the other persons thoughts like we always did. Sometimes it is scary that we know exactly what the other one thinks even after all this time.

"Wanna stay for dinner?" I ask. I like it when he stays for dinner. Even if we have awkward moments sometimes it is always nice to do things as a family.

"Sure, if you don't mind!" he answers.

"I would be really happy if you stay, you know that!" I answer.

We are separated now for around three years. When I found out that I was pregnant we already were separated. I don't know why but I still feel guilty about the whole debacle back then. We both made mistakes, that we haven't forgiven each other yet but in some way I feel like it was all my fault. All this awkwardness between us the distance and the pain is my fault and I really just have one big whish in my life: To turn back time and act different.


	3. The tears at night

Thanks for your reviews!

Enjoy the new chapter!

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Flashback 

_I sit on the floor in my bathroom and look at the little white stick in my hand. It shows me two pink stripes. I feel my head starts to spin and I close my eyes tightly. This can't happen it can't be real._

_I just moved out of Logan's apartment two weeks ago. I live with Paris again and I just started to feel like it should be like this and now I'm pregnant. It just can't be real._

_I told Logan that I need distance and time to think but now I feel like a bomb is ticking inside me. And it just waits to explode. How can I decide if I ever want to be with him again if I am carrying his child right now. I can't make a decision in a moment like this._

_I stand up and go to the sink. I look into my pale face in the mirror. No one knows yet that I'm pregnant but soon I have to tell people. When I remember right I should be in the 8 week right now. Because 8 weeks ago it was the last time I have been together with Logan. Before everything turned into bad. Before Honor's wedding and before my mistake. _

_I breath deeply when I think about Logan. How am I going to tell him that I'm pregnant and that I'm going to get his child? Because getting rid of it isn't an option for me. I could never ever do this. _

_I have to talk to Logan again soon and it scares me a lot. If I ever thought about talking to Logan again in the past two weeks then it wasn't because of something like this. I thought that we could start new and get to know each other again. But now everything has changed. _

_Flashback ends_

We' re sitting in the dining room and waiting for dessert. My maid Anna working in the kitchen. I'm glad that I have her because otherwise Ally would just eat junk food. Even if I tried to learn to cook several times in the past years I still don't like it.

Ally is still telling stories about her trip to the zoo and it amuses me how she describes everything. You can hear, even if she is just 3 years old, that her parents are reporters.

I work at a paper in Hartford. I'm the chief editor and I really like my job even if it includes working with Mitchum Huntzberger, because he owns the paper.

I became chief editor one year after Ally was born. I never wanted to work for Huntzberger publishing but when Mitchum offered me this job I took it because it was near to home and I had the chance to be home as often as possible.

It was hard to work with Mitchum at the beginning but we arranged ourselves well. Mitchum starts to believe in my qualities more and more and I feel more comfortable around him. After all he is still one of Ally's grandfathers.

We finish dinner and Ally starts to fell asleep at the table.

"Hey Ally come on lets get you into your bed!" I say and pick her up.

She snuggles into me and let me carry her.

Logan opens the doors for me and we make our way into her bedroom. I lay her down and tug her into her covers. I brush a light kiss on her forehead and step away from her bed. Logan does the same and we go to the door.

"Mummy, Daddy?" we hear her sleepy voice call out.

"Yeah?" we both answer at the same time.

"I love you!" she says before drifting away to sleep.

"We love you, too." We answer before closing the door behind us.

These are moments were my heart could scream because I'm so happy if my little girl tells me she loves me. It really makes me happy and I feel that tears are coming.

I stand in the corridor and try to hide my tears because I don't want Logan to see them. He didn't saw me crying since the day I moved out. I swore to me that I would never cry in front of him again because I know he would try to comfort me and I can't let him do that.

"Ror, are you ok?" he asks and tries to look at me.

I turn my face away and try to hide it but he knows me too well.

"Hey, why are you crying?" he asks concerned.

"It's nothing." I lie because I can't tell him.

I can't tell him how happy I am when he is around, I can't tell him that he is still the love of my life and I can't tell him that I want him so much. I can't admit things to him that I even just admit sometimes to myself and just when I'm not strong enough to push them aside. In moments like this.

"You're sure?" he asks.

"Yeah!" I say still not looking at him.

"Okay!" he answers and I can hear that he doesn't believe me.

He always knew when I was lying and he still knows. I sometimes hate him for knowing me so well because it makes it even harder to protect me from my feelings.

"I think I go home now. You're sure you're okay?"

"Yes I am. Thanks for staying for dinner. It makes Ally really happy if we are together." I say and smile.

"It makes me happy, too." He says and kisses my cheek before leaving the house.

Twenty minutes later I lay alone in my bed. I hate it to be alone in the nights because then I can't distract myself and my thoughts always wander to Logan. To the way we used to share a bed and to the way I felt when he held me in his arms. Even after three years I can't stop thinking about the man I used to love.

Like many nights before I cry myself to sleep thinking about Logan.

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	4. Hiding from society

I hate it that I have to go to all these society functions. Not just because I have to leave Ally alone with the maid, but I hate them because of the people I meet there and their stupid questions.

Right now I am standing in one corner of my grandparents house and look around the room. Like always there are the same boring people chit chatting about something that would bore everybody to death.

I take a sip of my drink and think about Ally. I really hope that she already sleeps and that the maid didn't have too much trouble with her. I know that Ally hates it if I'm away at the evenings and can't tell her a good night story.

With one last sip I empty my glass and put it on the counter. I still have to greet different people and if I want to leave before midnight I should start right now.

I put on my society smile and start making my round.

The first one I meet is one of my grandfather's business partners and his wife. I know them because Sidney, the wife, is with me in the DAR.

"Hello Sidney. It's so nice to see you!" I greet her while kissing her cheek.

"Hello Rory! You look wonderful!" she answers while I greet her husband, too.

"Your grandmother really know how to throw a good party" she continues.

"She definitely knows" I answer with my fake smile.

"So you're here alone tonight?"

Here we go, I think. Of cause she has to ask such a question. Everybody knows that Logan and I are separated and that none of us has a new partner. And everybody still likes to talk about it.

"Yeah, what can I say. You know it's hard to find the knight in shining amour. I'm sorry Sidney, but I just see Olivia over there and I have to say hello. We talk later?" I say before she can ask any further questions.

"Of cause, dear!"

I don't really saw anybody. I just couldn't take it any longer. So I go away from Sidney and her husband and over to the stairs.

I look around before I go upstairs. Luckily nobody is noticing me.

I go into my mom's old room and sit on her bed. I like to hide here when it is too much for me downstairs.

I pull out my cellphone and call my own house. The maid answers after three rings and I talk with her about Ally. I'm glad to hear that she behaves tonight and just tell the maid that I'm home as fast as I can.

In the moment I shut my phone there is a light knock on the door. I groan inwardly and prepare myself for my grandmothers speech about not having the right behaviour and letting her guests wait.

Even if I'm already 28 years old she still treats me like a sixteen year old sometimes.

"Come in" I say loud.

To my surprise it isn't my grandmother who opens the door. With a light smirk on his face a blond haired guy opens the door.

"Hey, your hiding again?" Logan asks and closes the door behind him.

"What do you mean with again?" I ask and smile at him.

Today seems to be one of our good days. One of those days where we can joke together and talk with each other like we used to do.

"Well you always go here when it is too much for you downstairs. And then you hide here and read or just stare out of the window. "

"I just went here to call the maid and ask how everything is at home" I answer, because I really don't want to admit that he knows me so well.

"So…?" he asks.

"So what?" I ask back.

"How is everything at home?"

"Oh it's ok. Ally was a good girl and sleeps already."

"Good to hear. So what do you say: Coming back with me downstairs, or will you lock yourself inside here for the rest of the night."

"I think I have to go downstairs with you again. Hey by the way, what are you doing here?" I ask, because actually this whole party was just for DAR members and their husbands.

"Well because Josh is out of town my sister dragged me to escort her because she didn't want to go here alone and my mom didn't let her cancel the whole thing. You know that my mom always wants Honor to attend at least one gathering per month. "

"Honor is here?" I ask excited.

"Yeah she is!" he answers and smiles at me.

We go downstairs again and are greeted by a smiling Honor.

"Hey girl" she says and gives me hug.

"Hey. It's so good to see you. We haven't seen each other in ages!" I answer, this time with a real smile.

"So how are you. How is my sweet little Ally and how is work and everything?" she asks.

Honor and I became really good friends over the years. Nowadays she is one of my best friends because she understands me so well. She has two kids, one is 5 years and the other one is around Ally's age. So we meet often because they like to play together and Honor adores Ally. It is always so nice to see her but lately we both were busy so we hadn't the time to meet.

The rest of the evening I spent talking with Honor.

Before we all leave we make out a date at the next day to meet for a coffee and some girls talk.

I really look forward to these date because friends like Honor make my life a little bit happier.

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	5. Does he still love me?

Thank you so much for your reviews!

I know that it is still a little bit confusing but I will explain everything during the story! And I know that you want them to be together, and believe me I want that too because I'm a Sophie, but they need time. But I promise that this is a Sophie fanfic with a happy end!

Enjoy!

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The next morning I stand up early to meet with Honor. Ally stays with Logan and Honors kids, Lilly and Jake, stay with Josh so that we got enough time for our usual girls talk.

We meet in our favourite café in Hartford. I arrive a little bit early, so I sit down and order a big coffee. When I finish my second coffee Honor finally arrives.

"I'm so so sorry!" she says while giving me a hug.

"It's okay." I answer.

"Lilly wouldn't let me go and cried all the time and Josh was so not a help. You're really lucky that you aren't married. It 's like having three kids!" She said while ordering a cup of coffee.

"I don't know it can't be that bad." I say slowly.

"You have no idea, Ror."

"Aren't you happy with Josh?" I ask, because to me it always seemed as if Josh and Honor where one of those couples which never fight and are still after so many years deeply in love.

"No, it's not that! I'm totally happy with Josh. He's perfect, he's my everything. I'm just a little bit stressed and in moments like this I need his help but then he is still just a man. And we all know that men never can do anything right." She says and laughs.

"So marriage isn't so bad after all?" I ask and smile at her because I know that actually Honor loves to be the wife of Josh and the mother of her children and the whole family package.

"No marriage is actually wonderful. You know, Ror, I never understood while you don't marry. Believe me it is great. You can go to bed without shaving your legs and you can wake up and know that you look horrible but it doesn't bother you because he promised to love you forever. Don't you want that?"

"Oh Honor, of course I want that and you know that. But how? I mean it's not like man just fall from the sky." I say frustrated because we had this discussion way too often.

"I know that. But you never dated anybody since my brother and I am really concerned about you. Why did you never dated again?" she asks.

Deep down in my heart I know the answer to this question but I don't want to see it. I know why I never looked at other man again since the day I left Logan. Since that one day three and a half year ago I never even considered being with another man. Because for me there will always be just one man.

To Honor I answer: "I don't know. I think I'm just scared to be hurt again."

"Oh Rory you can never know that. I know that the break up with Logan was tough for both of you but it will not get better if you both don't live on. Do you think you can ever come over it if you both stay alone for the rest of your life?"

"No I don't think that, but I will not throw myself at the next best guy just to get over an old relationship."

"I didn't said you should throw yourself at some random guy. Just think about the possibility of dating. Maybe it will help you to forget a little bit of the past. That's what I tell Logan all the time, too." Honor says.

That statement confuses me. I always thought that Logan just moved on after we broke up. I never asked anyone and I sure never asked Logan about his love life but I just thought that he moved on.

"What do you mean you tell him that, too?" I ask.

"Well he is just like you. He sits at home and thinks about his old relationship instead of moving on and trying to live his own life."

"You mean he hasn't dated lately?" I ask curious.

"Lately? He hasn't dated in the last three and a half years. Just like you. But for him this is so unusual because I mean even if he has a kid now and even if we consider the whole thing with you two he is still Logan Huntzberger."

After that I totally tune out of the conversation. I hear that Honor is still talking but my thoughts wander to Logan and I don't hear one word. Why did he never dated again? Did he really is that broken? Again I feel guilty about not just destroying my life by leaving him but his too.

But deep inside me there is a little question that asks hopefully: Did he never dated again, because he still loves me???

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Please tell me what you think! So don't leave here without a review!

THX


	6. The dark lord visits

Thanks for your reviews!

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The next days I cannot stop thinking about my conversation with Honor and the whole thing she said about Logan.

How could I never notice that he isn't dating? And why did I never ask anyone?

I just always thought that he has moved on, that it didn't bother him that our relationship ended and that he found just someone new. I never even considered the possibility of Logan without a love life. I never thought about him sitting alone at home. Do I really know him so little?

But he hasn't found someone new. And that is what really confuses me. Why did he never date again?

It's Monday morning and I sit at my desk at the paper. I try to concentrate at my work but my thoughts always wander to Logan. I don't want to think about him all the time and I really try to think of something else but I can't help myself. I stand up and go into the break room to get some coffee. Because coffee always helps me.

As I stand there with my coffee in my hand I look around the newsroom. Today it seems as if they are even busier than usual and I remember something Logan said to me years ago when I had an internship at his father's paper.

At this moment the appointment comes back to my mind. I was so busy with trying not to think about Logan that I forgot to realize that his father Mitchum Huntzberger is coming today. How could that have slipped my mind?

Twenty minutes later my door opens and Mitchum Huntzberger smiles at me.

"Rory, nice to see you again." He says while offering me his hand.

"Nice to see you, too, Mitchum." I answer.

Even if we get along well since I work for him it is still intimidating to see him and talk to him when he first arrives. But after a couple of moments I always feel more comfortable around him.

" So how are things working at the paper?" he asks.

"Very well. Our budget looks really good and we need even new employees because we have too much work. " I answer and hand him some statistics.

He looks them over and nods.

"Very good, Rory. I must say I never regretted to give you this job. This paper turned out really well with you as chief editor. Feel free to search for new employees and just let me know how many it will be."

"Thanks Mitchum. I will search as soon as possible." I answer happy that he is so content with my work.

"Well, then I guess it's time for me to go. There is still much work to do. I assume we will see us soon?" He asks.

"We will." I answer and stand up to lead him to the door.

"Oh by the way, Rory. Shira wants to talk to you about a family dinner at our house. Please call her soon. She really wants you to attend this one and we both would love to see you and Alexandria there. "

" Sure I'll call her." I answer with my fake society smile.

It's not that I don't want Ally to spend time with her grandparents, but if they talk about family dinner it only means that we will sit around in awkward silence. I don't understand that they can't stop acting like that and just start to act like normal loving grandparents. And I know that they love Ally. I can see it in their eyes when they look at her.

After Mitchum left I sink back into my chair and close my eyes. Even if I didn't do much today it was still an exhausting morning. Luckily for me I am able to go home at noon because there isn't much work to do and the paper for tomorrow is already finished.

So I gather my things and head home. I have to pick up Ally at five o'clock, so I still have some time to relax a little bit at home.

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I know that my chapters are always very short but I like it like this.

Please don't leave without a review!

THX


	7. The question

I have nothing to do so I wrote a new chapter! Enjoy!

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I arrive at Logan's house at 5 o'clock. I park my car besides his in the driveway and go to the front door. I have a key to his house but I never use it. So I ring the bell and wait for someone to answer it.

A couple of moments later his maid opens the door and greets me.

"Hello Miss Gilmore. Please come in Mister Huntzberger is in the living room." She says and lets me in.

I go down the familiar corridors to the living room and open the door. Logan sits alone in the living room typing on his laptop.

I knock at the doorframe and he looks up.

"Hey, I didn't hear you. How are you?" he says and gets up to greet me.

"I'm fine. How are you?" I answer.

"I'm fine, too. Want to sit down and have a cup of coffee?" he asks.

I just look at him and he starts laughing.

"Of course you want a cup of coffee, you are a Gilmore." He says and calls the maid.

"Theresa, can you bring us some coffee please?" he asks her.

"Sure, Mister Huntzberger." She says and leaves the room.

"So where did you leave our wonderful daughter?" I ask.

"Well, I sold her and from the money I bought a new car." He jokes.

I start laughing and at the moment I'm just happy that today is no awkwardness between us. These are moments where I think that we can work things out.

Logan interrupts my thoughts by saying: "She's upstairs watching her favourite TV soap."

"I should have known." I answer, because Ally always watches these show at Mondays.

Theresa returns into the living room and places the coffee in front of us.

"Thanks" I say and smile at her.

"Theresa, can you tell Ally that she can watch her soap to the end but have to come down as soon as it finishes?" Logan asks Theresa.

"Of course." She answers and goes upstairs.

"So, did my mother talked to you?" Logan asks out of the blue.

"Not yet, but your dad told me today that I should call her." I answer.

"Is there any reason, why they want a family dinner?" I ask

"No I don't think that there is a specific reason. I just think that my mother is jealous that you and Ally are every Friday evening for dinner at Emily and Richard's. So I think she just wants to have the same. And because she has the power to not only drag you and Ally to dinner but me too she can run around and tell everybody what a perfect family she has afterwards." Logan says with frustration in his voice.

"So your mother has as always just the best intentions." I say sarcastically.

"Yeah, that's my mother." He says and smiles bitterly. After all these years there are still a lot of problems between Logan and his parents and it is really sad that they can't work things out.

"So there is no way of getting out of this?"

"I don't think so." He answers.

We sit in silence for a moment before he asks: "So, how was your date with Honor?"

I look shocked for a moment. By mentioning my date with Honor all my thoughts about Logan come back into my mind. I managed to not think about it since I entered his house but at the moment I can't stop myself. He sits right in front of me and all I can think about is the question why he hasn't dated in the last years.

"Rory?" he asks.

"What? Oh sorry, I just was…." I say confused.

"Yeah you just were somewhere else." He says and smiles at my confused looking expression.

"So will you ever respond to my question or do I have to ask my sister?" he says and laughs.

"Your sister?" I ask confused.

"Yeah my sister. You know her: blonde hair, very bubbly and always a little bit to talkative." He says.

"Oh yeah, sure." I say still confused because my mind starts to spin around. I can't stop thinking about it and before I can stop myself I ask him:

"Logan, why did you never dated again since we broke up?"

He looks at me with pure shock in his face and opens his mouth. But before he can answer my question the door opens and Ally runs into the room, screaming: "Mummy!"

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Please review! I really wanna know what you think!

THX


	8. I can't do this any longer

Don't worry there will be Rogan interaction in the next chapter! This one is to explain the past a little bit more!

Enjoy!

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Ally runs to me and hugs my legs. I pick her up and put her into my lap. She hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I glance at Logan but he refuses to look at me.

I regret that I asked him this question, after all it's none of my business and I'm sure as hell the last person with whom he wants to talk about his non-existent love life.

I concentrate again on Ally because she started to play with my hair.

"So sweetie, how was school today?"

"It was really cool, mum."

"That's good. You're ready to go home?" I ask, because I don't want to be any second longer in this room.

"I'll get her things." Logan says without looking at me and leaves the room.

He comes back downstairs and hands Ally her bag and helps her into her coat. We go to the front door and Logan kneels down in front of Ally. "Bye, little princess. We see us tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay daddy." She says and hugs him.

"Goodbye Rory." Logan says coldly to me without looking me into the eyes and opens the door for me and Ally. We leave and still he refuses to look at me.

Ally looks confused at our behaviour. After Logan closes the door and we sit in the car she asks: "Mummy, why are you and daddy so upset?"

Even if she is just three and a half year old she recognizes it always when Logan and I aren't able to talk to one and another even less then usual. It always amazes me how sensitive Ally is for Logan and my relationship.

"We aren't upset, Ally. We are just a little bit tired." I answer her. I know that it is a lie but I can't tell her the truth. I don't want her to think that we have problems because she is just too young to understand them.

" What do you mean with tired?" she asks.

I think about it for a moment to give her an answer that satisfies her.

"Well you know when you are really sleepy and want to go to bed?" I ask.

"Yeah…" she says slowly and I can see through the mirror her expression she has on her face and she tries to imagine this feeling. I focus my eyes back on the street and say:

" Well, then you get really grumpy sometimes because you're tired and want to sleep and that's what daddy and I feel at the moment." I say and hope that she understands me right.

"So you're are grumpy at one upon another?" she asks.

"No Ally, not at one upon another. We are just tired and want to go to bed. That's why we are both in a grumpy mood. Do you understand what I mean?"

I know that this is a strange comparison, but actually this is how I feel. I'm tired of awkwardness and of not talking together and I'm tired of not knowing what to feel. I just want to turn back time. But I can't change the way I acted back then:

_Flashback_

"_Oh come on Logan, you can't tell me that there wasn't anything between you two." I yell and wave around with a newspaper in front of his face. _

"_I recognized that Bobby wants you the first time I saw her and you proved before that you don't have any hindrance to cheat on me."_

"_Rory, you have to believe me that there wasn't anything between us. She just gives me a hug on this picture and since when do you believe what some gutter press is writing?" he asks. _

_I know that the press often writes strange things and that they are most of the time not true but I don't want to see this at this moment. I want to blame him and I want to know that there is a reason why I'm scared of loosing him. _

"_I can't believe you. Why would I?" I say. _

"_Don't you trust me? Rory, we live together since 4 years. You're the only one in my life and I'm so not interested in Bobby! You have to believe me. I just love you!"_

"_I don't know what to think. You're always working and all the time Bobby is around. I think I'm just not enough for you anymore. How can this relationship work when I'm not enough for you?"_

"_Rory, I love you and you are everything I ever wanted. Please believe me I don't want anything or anyone else." Logan pleads and I can see tears forming in his eyes. _

"_I can't believe you." I say. _

"_I'm sorry Logan, but I can't do this any longer." I say and leave. _

_Flashback ends_

That was the day I left Logan without a real reason. I was just scared of the future and so I did what I always did and run away. I regret my decision, I regretted it the minute I closed the door behind me, but I couldn't go back. I know that Logan never had anything going on with Bobby but I just searched for a reason to blame him. So I didn't have to admit that I was scared, that I was the one who wasn't sure of her feelings and of what I wanted. I was scared and now I have to live with the guilt of destroying two lives by just closing the door behind me without a specific reason. Now I have to live with the guilt of my mistake!

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Don't leave without a review! I'll love you forever for your reviews!

THX!


	9. I can't forget how it feels

This chapter is longer than my other ones because I didn't wanted to split it. And I'm really sorry if there are many grammar or spelling mistakes. I try to avoid them but sometimes they are just there.

Enjoy!

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Neither Logan nor me mentioned my question in the next couple of days. The awkwardness was back and we just tried to spend as less time together as possible.

I regret it very much that I asked this question but I just couldn't stop myself. I was so happy every time Logan and I managed to talk together on a normal and friendly base that I really want to scream every time I see him now.

He ignores me most of the time and is just focusing on Ally. He barely looks at me and we are just talking about the necessities. I hate myself for that and can't stop thinking of what I destroyed, again.

Every night before I fall asleep I think about possibilities of making it up, of turning back time, but there aren't any ways. I've hurt him again and I'm really afraid that this time there is no way back.

When we broke up our relationship was destroyed but somehow we managed to interact on a friendly base. But this time there isn't anything I can do. All I want is that my problems go away. I'm sick of crying at night and I'm sick of explaining to my daughter why I don't speak with her father. I'm just sick of it.

It is Saturday night and I drive the road to the Huntzberger mansion. Ally is in the backseat singing along to music that can just be in the mind of a child.

I called Shira and she insisted of having dinner with the whole family on this weekend. I really don't look forward to this dinner because again there will be just awkwardness and I don't want to sit there in this cold, big house and feeling even worse than I already feel.

I drive up the road to the Huntzberger mansion and park my car. I look around and see Logan's car in one of the garages, so he is already here.

"Ally, we're here." I say and try to sound cheery, because I don't want her to think that visiting her grandparents is something bad.

I help her getting out of the car and lock the doors before we go to the main door. Ally takes my hand and I smile at her. When I look into her blue eyes I'm always happy whatever happened before, she has the capability of making me forget everything.

I breathe deep a few times before ringing the bell. The maid opens the door a few moments later.

"Good evening Miss Gilmore, Miss Alexandria." She greets us.

"Hello Maria." I answer and hand her my coat before I help Ally out of her coat and hand it Maria, too.

"They're in the living room." She says and smiles before leaving.

"Thanks." I answer.

I kneel down in front of Ally and straight her dress and her hair before I offer her my hand and we go into the living room.

Shira, Mitchum, Logan and Elias are all sitting in there talking about sailing.

"Good evening, everyone." I say and smile my usual society smile.

"Daddy." Ally screams and runs to her father. Logan opens his arms for her and puts her on his lap.

"Hey little girl. You look great." He says and kisses her on the cheek. I would love to watch them like I always do, but I have to say hello.

I go to Elias and shake his hand. After all this years he is still really cold towards me. Then I turn to Shira and give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Rory, it's so nice to have you two here tonight." She says.

"Thanks for inviting us" I answer before turning to Mitchum and shaking hands with him.

"Nice to see you" he says.

"Nice to see you, too." I answer.

"Logan" I simply say because I don't know how to react in his presence.

"Rory" he answers.

I can feel the looks on my back, because even in this house this was a cold greeting but no one says anything.

I take a seat across from Logan and Ally.

"Ally, don't you want to say hi to your grandparents and your great-grandfather?" I say.

Ally nods in response and starts hugging everyone. When Ally hugs them even the Huntzbergers look at her with so much love and their fake society smiles are gone. After saying hi to everyone Ally returns to her father and sits next to him playing with his fingers.

"Logan don't you want to ask Rory what she would like to drink?" Shira says.

"Sure mother" Logan says coldly and stands up.

"A martini, I presume?" he says without looking at me.

"Yes please" I answer quietly. Deep down in my heart I had hoped that he would act differently tonight. But he doesn't.

He hands me my drink without even seeing me and just sits down next to Ally again.

I don't even bother to thank him, because he wouldn't hear it anyway.

I take a sip of my martini and feel the cold liquor go down my throat. I take a few deep breaths before I try to concentrate on the conversation.

"So Rory, Mitchum told me that things are fine at the newspaper?" Elias asks.

"Yes they are, everything is working out great." I answer.

"Mrs. Huntzberger?" Maria says while entering the room.

"Yes?"

"Dinner is served."

"Well, then, let's go" Shira says and stands up.

"Come on Ally, let's go and wash your hands first." Logan says to Ally and picks her up. They go in the opposite part of the room and into a corridor which leads to one of the bathrooms.

The Huntzbergers and I sit down at the dinner table and we wait for Logan and Ally to come back before we start eating the salad.

Logan and Ally are sitting across from me and still he refuses to look at me.

Elias picks up the topic from before and starts talking about the news paper again.

"So do you like the work?" he asks.

"I would like to write more myself but I really love the chief editor position." I answer.

"It's not part of the editor position to write, so you have to live with that." Elias says coldly.

"Maybe it is part of it, but it really is a pity that you aren't writing so much. I always loved your articles" Shira says. I look at her and smile but I can see in her eyes that those words were just her normal society behaviour. Most likely she had never read one word I ever have written. But I don't blame her for that, because it is the way you act in Hartford society and she is, like we all are, a part of it.

"Logan weren't Rorys articles not always good?" Shira continuous.

"Sure mother" Logan says while turning to Ally.

We make it through the main course and dessert and it is always the same. Shira says something about me and asks Logan about his opinion and he always answers 'sure mother'.

By now I'm really pissed of and can't believe how he acts. Even if I hurt him he could still act normal around his family but he just don't stop ignoring me. Even in our worst times, right after I left him, we were always able to talk together and put on a mask as long as we were in society, but tonight Logan doesn't want to play along, he just wants me to feel bad.

Again Shira says: "Isn't Rory looking beautiful tonight, Logan?"

"Sure mother" is his only response.

"You two stop right now!" Elias says suddenly angry.

"I don't care what happened between you two but I will not longer tolerate your behaviour in front of your daughter. You are leaving this room now and you will work things out. If you feel ready to behave normal again, then you can come back in here." He says in a harsh tone.

In the dining room is silence and you could hear a needle hit the ground. I know better than to mess up with Elias and Logan knows too, so we stand up and leave the room.

We go into the library and I close the door behind us. Still Logan doesn't look at me, he seems totally interested into the book shelves.

To lighten up the mood I say: "Wow I feel like a six year old. We really had to leave the room to work things out."

I wait for Logan's response but all he does is starring at the shelves, so I continue : "The last time I had to leave dinner earlier was when I started playing…"

"Oh Rory stop it." Logan says suddenly. " What do you think are we doing now: a little chit chat and laughing about old times?"

I can see, when he turns around to face me, that he is angry.

"I just wanted to lighten up the mood." I say quietly.

"You haven't talked to me since…" I can't finish the sentence, because I'm not sure what to say.

"Yeah your damn right. I haven't talked to you since you ask me why I haven't dated since you. And do you know why? Do you have any fucking idea why?" Logan screams.

"I don't know. I know that I hadn't the right to ask you that, but I don't know why you don't talk to me. Maybe you just want to hurt me." I scream back.

"I want to hurt you? Gosh Rory, do you really think so? The last thing I want in my life is hurting you." He screams and I can feel tears forming in my eyes.

"But why aren't you talking to me, if not to hurt me?" I ask between soft sobs.

"Because I want to protect myself. Because I don't want to feel what I feel when I think of you. Because I can't forget the past and I can't stop thinking about us since you asked me this question. You really want to know why I never dated again?"

"Yes" I answer quietly.

Logan stays quiet for a moment before he says:" Because I can't forget how it feels when we…" he says before he passes through the room and crashes his lips onto mine.

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They finally kissed !!! I hope you liked it! Please review!!!!

THX


	10. Anger

Thanks for all of your reviews! You're really great!

I think this is one of the longest chapters I ever wrote in English and I'm so proud, because let me tell you that it is sometimes really difficult to write a story in a language that isn't the one you are used to.

**Enjoy!**

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I feel his lips on mine. I'm shocked in the first moment, because it's been so long since we kissed for the last time, but I start to respond to him and put all the feelings I kept inside of me into this kiss, all the love, the need, the lust and the loneliness. Soon my hands are around his neck and his are on my hips, pulling me as close as possible. I can feel every inch of his body and I can even feel his heart so near to me.

It is overwhelming and I can feel more tears forming in my eyes. I can't bear it any longer and I break away. I look at him and I can see the same feelings in his eyes. I can't hold back my tears now and they start to fall down my cheeks silently.

"I'm sorry…." I whisper before I run out of the room.

I run down the corridors and into the next bathroom. I lock the door behind me and sink down onto the floor. My whole body starts to shake and I feel even more tears falling down.

I know that I shouldn't react like this, especially not in the house of the Huntzbergers, but it was too much. All those feelings were too much and I couldn't do it. My head feels so empty at this moment. Just minutes ago there were so many things running through my head, but now it feels just empty.

When his lips met mine there was everything back again. There was love and hope and all those questions, but right now there is just emptiness in my head and all I can do is to sit on the bathroom floor with my arms slung around my legs and to sob into my dress.

I don't know how long I've been sitting in the bathroom, it could have been minutes or hours, but after some time I hear a knock on the door.

"Rory?" Logan asks quietly.

I don't respond and the tears just come back and start to fall again heavily.

"Rory, I know that you're in there. Please come out." Logan says.

Again I don't respond. I want to talk to him and I don't want him to think that I don't care about him or that I regret the kiss, but I just don't know what to say or how to react, and so I stay quiet again.

"I'm going back into the dining room, because they will search for us soon. Please come, too, okay?"

I can hear him wait for a response, but after he doesn't receive one I can hear him sigh and then go away from the door.

I stay for a while longer inside the bathroom and try to calm down a little bit. I think about Logan's words and I realize that he is right. They will search for me soon and it would be definitely better if I would go back now.

I stand up slowly and look into the mirror. I look horrible. My lipstick is smeared all over my mouth and my eyes are red from crying. I turn on the water in the washbasin and try to fix my make up as best as possible. I take a last look into the mirror before I leave the bathroom and go back into the dining room.

"Sorry, but I don't feel well. I think it is the best if I leave now." I say after entering the room.

Elias takes one look at me and I feel like being scanned.

"I don't think so young lady, sit down!" he demands.

I know better then to contradict against a demand of Elias Huntzberger and so I sit down. I can feel Logan looking at me but I ignore him, I just stare at the flowers at the table.

Shira starts to make small talk again.

"So Logan how was your trip to London last week?" she says and tries to smile.

"It was a business trip, mother." He answers as if that would explain everything.

"I know, Logan. But did you like it?" she continues.

"Sure mother" Logan answers like he used to answer the whole evening.

"And where are you going next?" Shira asks as if it would be the most interesting thing in the world.

"I don't know mother, there isn't anything planned yet. Maybe you should ask Dad," He answers bitterly.

"And Rory, are you travelling much?" Shira asks.

"No not really" I answer and try to hide the tears that you can still hear in my voice.

"That's sad, Logan always told me how much you love to travel, haven't you Logan?"

"Sure mother" he answers again.

"Stop it now!" Elias says loudly and I feel like the whole evening is starting from the beginning again.

"I told you two to work things out because I will not allow such behaviour inside my house and in front of your daughter. You are telling me now what's wrong with you!" he says.

"I don't think that this is any of your business." I grumble.

"Even if I'm old and you grumble I can still hear you!" Elias says to me angrily.

"I don't care if you hear me or not." I answer while raising my voice. "It is none of your business, it is between me and Logan and you never cared about what was between us, so why do you care now?" I say loudly.

The whole evening was too much for me and I really don't care at the moment what the Huntzbergers think about me. All the frustration and all the anger that has come together over the years and that I always have hidden bursts out in this moment.

"I don't think that this is in any way an appropriate behaviour Rory" Elias says.

"You talk about appropriate behaviour? Well let me think about your behaviour. You always treated me like I'm not worth it. Like I'm not good enough for your family. But still you expect me to come here with my daughter and be nice and act perfect. You want me to be here because of Ally, but you don't talk to her and you don't notice her. Why can't you all act like she is your granddaughter? I know that you love her so where is the problem? Is it so difficult to show that?"

Before somebody can answer anything Logan whispers to Ally.

"Ally go into the kitchen to Maria and let her give you some cookies, okay?"

"Okay daddy" Ally whispers back timidly and leaves the room.

"Rory I really think you should calm down." Mitchum says.

"Why should I? Because it is inappropriate?" I answer sarcastically.

In this moment I don't care that he isn't just Ally grandfather but my boss, too. I don't care about anything in this moment, because I can't hold back all these feelings, I kept for so long, any longer.

"Yes it is. And we all should calm down now and drink a cup of coffee." Shira says.

"I don't care at all. You acted inappropriate against me the minute you met me. Your son brought me home and told you that I'm his girlfriend and all you did was talking about how I'm not good enough. I didn't say anything back then and just ignored it, I shouldn't have done this. You just thought that you could act like this because you're richer than my family or because your name means more. But I don't care about things like that. I always knew that you don't like me but I always stayed friendly. But you're treating me like a little girl, sending me out of the room, and I will not let this happen any longer."

"We're treating you the way you behave." Elias answers angrily.

"Okay I admit that Logan and I didn't behave well this evening. But damn it, it is none of your problems. This is between me and Logan and I don't care what you think about it. I never cared. I know that you think that our whole relationship was a mistake and that it was a mistake that we didn't marry when I was pregnant but it is none of your business. When will you finally realize that we have to make decisions on our own?"

"When you will start to make the right decisions!" Elias says raising his voice.

"A child needs father and mother and when a women gets pregnant you have to marry."

"Gosh you really have two souls inside of you. You were the one who didn't want me in this family, but when I was pregnant you suddenly wanted to force me into marriage. Are you even listening to yourself?" I say back.

"I'm fully aware of what I'm saying. You were carrying the Huntzberger heiress, and it isn't possible to let the heiress to such an important fortune be a mistake of two too young humans."

"So that is it what Ally is to you? Just the heiress of the Huntzberger fortune and a mistake?" I can't believe what he is saying.

"Grandfather, you're stopping this right now." Logan says.

"Don't make that mistake again. Your son was just the heir and I was just the heir for this family. I will never let you make just an heiress out of my daughter. Maybe Rory and I aren't married and maybe it isn't the appropriate way to raise a child in your world, but we are able to give our daughter more love and happiness then you all were ever able to give to Honor or me. And we will raise our child the way we think it is right and you all have no right to judge our relationship or our behaviour against one and another. Did I make myself clear?"

There was totally silence in the dining room.

"Good." Logan says and stands up.

"Then I think it would be the best if we are leaving now."

I stand up and go into the kitchen. Ally is sitting at the counter singing a song with Maria while eating cookies and laughing.

"Hey Ally, come on, we're leaving now." I say and pick her up.

"Okay mummy." She says and leans her head against my shoulder.

"Thanks for watching her" I say to Maria and smile at her.

"No problem Miss Gilmore, she is adorable. I'll give you your coats if you want to leave right now." I nod in response and she leads us into the lobby.

I leave the house without saying goodbye to the Huntzbergers. Maria closes the door behind me and I step out into the cold night. Ally is in my arms already half asleep.

Logan is standing outside the door waiting for us. When he hears the door opening and closing he turns around and looks at us.

"Hey" he says quietly.

"Hey" I answer.

"Interesting night." He says and smiles a little bit.

"Very interesting." I answer.

We stay silent for a few moments before he says: "Rory…"

But I interrupt him by saying: "Logan, I know we need to talk about so many things, but it really was too much for me tonight. Can we do this on an other time?"

I can see the disappointment in his face but he answers: "Of course."

"Thank you" I answer.

We go together to our cars and he helps me to put Ally into the backseat of my car without waking her up.

He kisses her forehead before closing the door silently and looking at me.

"Goodnight Rory." He says and kisses my cheek before going to his own car and driving away.

"Goodnight" I answer.

I sit down into my own car and start the engine before leaving the Huntzberger property and driving into the night with tears streaming down my face.

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I know that Elias acts a lot like Emily Gilmore, but hey this is my story and I think every family should have an Emily, right?!?!

I know it sucks that she just runs away, but I couldn't let them be happily ever after just because they kissed!

I hope you liked it!

**Please let me know what you think and review a lot!!!**

**THX**


	11. I want you

It was Friday morning and I dialled Honors cell phone while staring at my laptop. I sit at my desk inside my office and can't stop thinking about Logan. I haven't talked or seen Logan since the dinner at the Huntzberger house.

She picks up her phone after the fourth ring.

"Honor Huntzberger"

"Hi Honor, this is Rory." I said nervously.

"Hey Ror, what's up? How are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm fine, too. So to what do I owe this pleasure?" she asks me.

"Well, can I ask you a huge favour?"

"Sure, sweetie." She answers.

"Could you take Ally for tonight? I have something to do and I need someone who watches her."

"Of course, I would love to take her, but why isn't Logan watching her?" she says a little bit confused.

"Oh he has a business meeting or something like that. I don't know." I lie quickly.

"Oh, ok. Shell I pick her up from school. I pick up Lilly anyway."

"That would be great. Thank you so much." I answer.

"Hey, no problem. If you want to she can stay for the whole night. Then our two little girls will have there first slumber party and you have a free night, no wait it's Friday so you have to go to your grandparents, so I think this is a bad idea." She rambles.

"No it's not. It's a great idea, and my grandparents are in Europe so there is no Friday night dinner. But please take a lot of pictures. I want to know how there first slumber party went."

"Will do, oh boy I'm so excited." Honor says bubbly.

"I will pick her up tomorrow morning, okay?"

"Yeah sure, we can have some breakfast here if you like. By the way, where are you going tonight?"

"Breakfast sounds good and I will tell you everything about tonight at breakfast, ok? Right now I can't tell you something about it."

"Oh a mysterious date?" she asks in mocking manner.

"Honor!" I whine.

"Okay, okay, sorry. But tomorrow I want details, clear Gilmore?"

"Sure Huntzberger!" I answer.

"Hey it's Huntzberger-Kingston." She says. **(A/N: I don't know what Josh's last name is. So in my story the name of Honor's husband is Josh Kingston.)**

"Of course, I'm sorry Mrs. Huntzberger-Kingston, how could I forget?" I say in a teasing voice.

"It's okay." She answers while laughing.

"See you tomorrow!"

"See you and thank you." I say before closing my cell phone.

I look back at my laptop and try to focus back on my work, but today it is even harder than usual. I can't stop thinking about Logan and about the way he kissed me, every time I think about him I can feel his lips on mine again.

I haven't seen him the whole week, but I know that I have to see him and talk to him soon.

I work hard for the rest of the day and manage not to think too much about Logan. When I come home at five o'clock I'm already really exhausted.

"Hi Anna." I greet my maid.

"Good evening" she greets back.

"Listen, you can have the rest of the day free. I will not need you tonight so you can go home if you want." I say and smile to her.

"Thank you. Do you want me to cook dinner before I leave?" she asks me, because she knows that I cannot cook at all.

"No thanks, I will just order something. I have a nice weekend!" I say before she leaves.

I go upstairs and into the shower. I know that I have still plenty of time before I have to leave. After leaving the shower I dress and put on some light make up, before I curl my hair. I don't want to look totally dolled up, but I don't need to look like crap either.

I look into the mirror and try to calm my nerves a little bit, which doesn't really work, so I go downstairs and brew some coffee. Most people become even more nervous with coffee in their veins, but for me coffee is better than any sedative. But today, not even coffee helps me really, so after my third cup I stand up and leave the house.

I arrive at my destination at seven o'clock and I really hope that he his already home. Before I leave my car I take a few deep breaths.

On my way to the front door my nervousness reaches and even higher point and all my thoughts are dancing some sort of really fast salsa in my head.

I ring the bell and wait for someone to respond and before I can even think about what to say to him he opens the door.

Logan is standing in the door; he is still wearing his work suite and looks at me with a confused look at his face.

"Can I come in?" I ask after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah sure, sorry…" he says and opens the door for me, so that I can come in.

After closing the door behind us he leads me into the living room and points out to the sofa. I sit down and he sits next to me.

"So…" he begins "did I expect you?"

"No" I answer simply.

"Okay. So then to what do I owe this pleasure of your visit? Is anything wrong with Ally?" he asks concerned.

In my mind I know that he knows the reason why I'm here but he doesn't want to push me and I'm very thankful for that.

"No Ally is fine. She is at Honors and has a slumber party with Lilly. I just thought that we should talk about a few things." I say the last part a little bit nervous.

"Talk about what?" Logan asks.

"You know fully well about what." I answer annoyed.

"No not really" Logan says with a light smirk and I can see that he just wants to tease me.

"About last Saturday." I say a little bit angry.

"Ahh, last Saturday. What was there?" he teases me.

"The dinner at your parents house. Me screaming at not only Ally grandfather but my boss, too, and our…kiss" I say a little bit hesitantly and look at the floor.

"I just wanted to make sure that it wasn't a hallucination." He says and I look into his eyes again.

"No it wasn't," I answer quietly.

I thought about the meaning of this kiss the entire week and I'm still confused about it, but when I look into Logan's eyes he doesn't seem confused about, not the tiniest bit, and that confuses me even more.

I look at Logan again and see him smirk at me.

"Why are you smirking?" I ask a little bit annoyed. His smirk was always the part of Logan that I loved and hated the most at the same time.

"I'm smirking because I know what I feel and I know what I felt when I kissed you again." He says.

I look at him and see in his eyes that he won't give me any more if I don't ask him.

"What did you feel?" I ask shyly.

He looks at me and smiles: "I felt what I missed for such a long time and I felt the reason why I never dated again, after you left me. You know why I never dated again, right?" he asks a little bit unsure.

I thought about this question the whole week, too, but my answer is just absurd. He asked me if I wanted to know why and after that he kissed me. So how can I know the answer to this question?

"No not really." I answer and look away again.

"Come on Rory. Didn't I made myself clear?" he asks.

"No, you just kissed me. How can that be an answer? You never answered that question!" I say and feel just more confused than before.

"Rory, listen to me. I kissed you as an answer to your question. That was the answer. That was why I never dated again, because I know that I could never feel the same way I feel when I'm with you, when I kiss you…" he says and tries to look into my eyes.

"You can never feel like that again?" I ask and look at him.

"No, I can not. Rory, I thought about all this the whole week and I came to a conclusion. You will always be the love of my life and there will never be some one else. If I can't have you than I will rather be alone than being with somebody else."

I can feel tears streaming down my face while listening to Logan's words. He wipes them away with his thumb and rests his hand on my cheek.

"Hey, don't cry" he says softly.

"How can I be the love of your life, when I left you and hurt you so much?" I answer between soft sobs.

"Yes you hurt me and yes I was broken after you left, but that's just not important. That doesn't change my feelings for you in any kind of way. I have hurt you, too, so many times. Did it ever changed your feelings?" he asks and I can hear hope in his voice.

"No" I whisper after a moment.

He is right; whatever he did to me in the past I never stopped loving him. When he slept with all of Honors friends I was mad at him, but I didn't stop loving him. I never did.

I look into his eyes and my mind just goes blank. I can just stare at his hazel eyes and all I can feel is his hand touching my cheek. Before I can think about what I'm doing I crash my lips onto his.

He responds to me immediately and I can feel his tongue begging for entrance, which I give. I put all the love I feel at this moment into this kiss.

When the need for oxygen gets to big we break away from each other and I try to calm my heavy breathing down.

"Let's go upstairs." He whispers into my ear which causes my body to shiver and I just nod my head in response.

As soon as we enter his bedroom I can feel his lips on mine again. I start opening his tie and a few buttons of his shirt. I can feel his hand on my hips and he pulls me closer to him. He starts kissing down my neck and sucks on my earlobe which causes me to moan softly. He still knows all my pleasure points and the feeling he causes in my whole body is just overwhelming.

On our way to his bed we get rid of all our clothes and I let my hands wander above his body. Even after all these years I can remember every inch of his body. Every muscle and every part of him is so well known and at the same time it is all so new.

We lay down on his bed and he puts the covers over us. He kisses my collar bone and I feel myself getting even more turned on.

"Logan, I want you" I whisper between soft moans. He looks into my eyes before attacking my mouth with an urgent kiss.

I can feel his arousal at my center and when he enters me it is like finding finally home. He looks at me and we are both overwhelmed by feeling him inside of me.

He starts moving and I don't stop looking into his eyes. I can see the lust and the bunch of feelings I feel, mirrored in his eyes.

Tonight I fall asleep in his arms, without saying one word. Just holding each other like there is no tomorrow.

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**TXH**


	12. I need a drink

Thank you so much for all your reviews! You are amazing!

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I wake up the next morning with a smile on my face and a happy feeling inside of me. In the first moment I have no idea why I feel that way. I keep my eyes closed and enjoy the moment.

When I shift a little bit I feel a warm body next to mine and I realize that I don't lie on my pillow but on the naked chest of somebody. I open my eyes slowly and look into the brown eyes of Logan.

The events of the previous night are coming back into my mind and I can't really believe what happened.

"Hey" Logan whispers.

"Hey" I answer.

He leans forward and kisses me soft on the lips.

"Good morning, did you sleep well?" he asks.

"Very well, I haven't slept so well in a long time" I answer honestly, because since Logan and I are separated I always felt too lonely at night to sleep well. And so sleeping turned into something that isn't something I enjoy or peaceful but a fear of tears and loneliness every night.

"Me too" he says and smiles at me while pulling me closer to him.

I inhale his scent and snuggle close to him, I never felt so safe with anybody else. I close my eyes again and just concentrate on me and him lying in bed. I try to ignore the voice that screams so loud in the back of my head.

After some time I drift back to sleep, still lying in Logan's arms.

When I woke up again I look at the clock on Logan's nightstand and it says that it is already eleven o'clock.

I'm shocked at the first moment how long I've slept and then I realize that I have to go. I look at Logan and see his eyes shut and hear is even breathing. I try to stand up while not waking him. When I manage to get out of his embrace and out of bed, I feel a hand around my wrist.

"Hey, where are you going?" he asks sleepily.

"Sorry, I have to go." I answer and look at him, while standing up and searching for my clothes.

I can see the disappointment and fear in his eyes right in the moment I spoke the words.

"Don't do that," he says with a pleading voice.

"Don't do what?" I ask him, while putting on my clothes.

"Don't run away, don't leave and ignore what happened. Please don't do that." He says while sitting up in bed and running a hand through his messy blonde hair.

"Logan…" I start, but he interrupts me.

"No don't explain it, I understand. If you want to leave then leave, it's ok, and I can understand it." He says while looking out of the window.

I get now what he is talking about, and I go to him and sit down on the bed again.

"Logan, look at me." I say while putting my hand on his arm.

He looks into my eyes and all I can see his fear and sadness.

"I'm not leaving and I'm not running away, okay? I just have to go, because I told Honor I would pick up Ally and have breakfast with her. I don't regret last night." I say to him and hope that he understands what I mean.

"You don't?"

"No I don't. I admit that we should have talked about our problems and that there are still so many things between us, that we have to talk about and work out, but I don't regret what happened. It was too fast and we really have to talk, but right now I have to leave, please understand me, will you?" I say and squeeze his arm lightly.

He just smiles at me and pulls me into an urgent kiss.

"I don't regret last night either." He says while looking deep into my eyes.

"Good to know." I answer and kiss him one last time, before standing up.

"We will talk later?" I ask.

"We will, " he answers.

I smile at him and say "Goodbye" before leaving his room and going downstairs.

When I open the door and go to my car I feel like there is somebody following me, but I just ignore that feeling and drive away to Honor's house.

I arrive at Honor's fifteen minutes later. I check my make-up in the mirror, before going to the front door and ringing the bell. Her maid answers the door and leads me into the kitchen, where Josh is sitting reading the newspaper.

"Hey Josh" I greet him.

"Hey Rory" he says and stands up to kiss my cheek.

"How are you?" he asks me and offers me a chair at the table.

"I'm fine, and you?"

"I'm fine, too. Honor will be hear any minute, you want some coffee?"

"Yeah, thank you." I answer, I hadn't had any coffee today and that can ever be good, if you are a Gilmore.

He stands up and pours me a cup of coffee. When he returns to the table Honor enters the room and smiles at me.

"There you finally are" she says and hugs me.

"Sorry, I know I'm late" I answer.

"No problem, girl. What kept you so long?" she asks curious.

Before I can answer her question Josh stands up and says: "I will leave you ladies alone now. I have to meet my lawyer. Rory, it was nice to see you. Honor, I will be home by five."

He kisses Honor and smiles at me, before leaving the kitchen.

"He works on a Saturday?" I ask Honor.

"Yeah, they have a lot of stress at their company right now and so he has to work on the weekends, too" she says while pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting down at the table.

"But you didn't answered my question…" she says and looks at me with raised eyebrows.

"Oh I just didn't hear the alarm clock." I answer and I know immediately that Honor won't believe me because I was my whole life a bad liar. I can fake everything else when I want: I can pretend I'm feeling fine when I could cry all the time.

That's actually what I did the last three years. I've never been as happy as I pretended to be. Of course I was happy with Ally and that part of my life, but deep inside I always felt lonely. So I pretended the opposite, but I never was able to lie, when somebody asks me a direct question.

"Exhausting night?" she asks with a mocking smile on her face.

I just glare at her for a moment, before I ask: "Where are our lovely daughters?"

"They are upstairs and watch cartoons and play princess," she answers while studying my expression.

"So, you want some breakfast?" she asks.

"Yes please, I'm starving I haven't eat anything." I answer.

Honor just smiles at me and stands up and starts making breakfast. When I ask her if I can help her she refuses, because she knows my qualities in the kitchen. All I'm aloud to do is brewing coffee.

While Honor is still busy with making breakfast I go upstairs in search for Ally. When I enter the TV room Ally and Lilly are spinning around in circles with glitter boas around their bodies.

"Hey sweeties" I say.

They stop playing and run towards me, each hugging one of my legs. I kneel down and give Ally and Lilly a kiss.

"How was your slumber party?" I ask them.

In their three-year old voices they start telling me about the party both at the same time. I really have to concentrate to understand what they are saying, but in the end I just see that they liked it, because they both finish with the same sentence:

"Can we make it again?"

"Of course you can" I say and smile at the two tiny girls.

"Mummy, can Lilly and I play together a little bit longer?" Ally asks and looks at me with her big blue eyes. In these moments I understand what was always said about my eyes, you couldn't say no to them. Luckily I don't have to say no at this time and so I say:

"Of course you can. I'm downstairs having breakfast with aunt Honor, okay?"

"Okay mummy" Ally says.

Before I leave the room I ruffle the blonde hair of both of them and smile at the little girls.

I go back into the kitchen and Honor just finishes placing everything on the table.

"So what do our girls do?" she asks.

"They spin around in circles," I answer

"Oh, I loved to do that when I was little" Honor say with a happy gleam on her face.

We sit down at the table and start having breakfast. After some time Honor asks:

"Will you ever tell me what you did last evening, or night?"

I think about it for a moment and decide that I could tell Honor the story; still she is one of my best friends and knows the whole situation with Logan and me better than anyone else, because she knows not only my part but Logan's, too.

"Well, I was at Logan's" I start slowly.

"Really?" Honor says surprised. "I didn't know that you are meeting when Ally isn't around."

"No we don't" I answer honestly, because it is the truth. I haven't seen Logan without Ally in a long time.

"But we had to talk about something important, that's why I didn't want to have Ally around." I continue.

"About what did you have to talk without Ally?" Honor asks suspicious.

"Well, we had dinner with your parents and it didn't went so well and so we had a lot to talk about." I say vaguely, because I'm not sure how much I really want to give away.

"Really? I talked to my mother a few days ago and she told me it was a lovely evening" Honor answers astonished.

"Oh boy, that is so typical for her. It wasn't a lovely evening at all. I don't want to go into details but let me tell you that there was a lot of old feelings and anger and a lot of screaming, too." I say angrily. How can Shira say it was a lovely evening?

"Well, that's my mother, we know how she is." Honor says. "But about what did you have to talk about with Logan?"

"Well there wasn't just screaming" I begin slowly.

"What else?" Honor asks curiously.

"A kiss" I whisper and look into my coffee mug.

"A kiss? Between how?" Honor asks entangled.

"Between me and your mother" I say sarcastically. "Between me and Logan, of course." I say and blush a little bit.

"Wait, are you saying that you yelled at my family at their house on that dinner. And then Logan kisses you? I always knew I have a strange brother." Honor says and shakes her head.

"No the kiss was before the yelling. Logan and I didn't talked with one and another and so Elias sent us out of the room and then we fought and then we kissed."

"My grandfather sent you out of the room? Wow my family is really sick!" she says confused. "But why didn't you and Logan talked to one and another?"

"Because I asked him a question" I say and look away again.

"A question?"

"I asked him why he never dated again, and then he got angry and we didn't talked and we were at your parents and he ignored me and so we were sent out. And then we were in the library and I try to lighten the mood, but he started yelling at me and then he kissed me. After that I run away and locked myself in the bathroom, and when I went back to the table I screamed at you parents and grandfather because they were so cold and treated me and Ally bad. It was a disaster. When we left I told Logan that we have to talk about the night and so I was at Logan's last night. I wanted to talk to him, but somehow we ended up having sex in his bedroom." I say without breathing.

"Wow" is all Honor answers. "I really would like to have a drink right now."

I laugh a little bit at her statement and look at her, while she stares at her coffee mug. I stay quiet and after some moments Honor says: "I feel really uncomfortable right now. First because my family treats you and Ally so bad and second because you just told me that you had sex with my brother."

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything." I say.

"No, no. You have to talk about it and I'm glad you talk with me, but please don't say again, that you had sex with my brother, because I don't want to imagine my brother having sex, and now I should stop saying it." She says and shakes her head.

I laugh a little bit and smile at her: "What do think about we say I spent the night with Logan."

"That sounds good." She says and relaxes a little bit more.

"So did you plan on spending the night?" she asks.

"God, no! I really just wanted to talk!"

"Did you talk?"

"Just for a moment. And then, well…"

"Yeah ok, got it." Honor says. "But did you talked this morning?"

"I told him that I think it was too fast and that I think we have to talk about many things and then I left, and now I'm here. Do you think it was a mistake?" I ask Honor unsure. Even if I felt so good this morning in his arms I'm still concerned that it could destroy our relationship fully.

"I can't answer that question, Rory. I mean I think it was to fast. You two didn't really talked to one and another since a long time and when you finally find back together you 'spent the night', but does it feel right?"

"My heart says yes but my mind says it was too much too early." I say sadly, because that's how I feel.

"You have to know what you want, and then you should really talk to Logan. Don't let this stand between the two of you. If you need time I'm here and watch Ally as often as you want, but first you have to know what you want." She says and looks at me.

I just smile at her sadly and think about Logan and me.

I have to hear at the voices inside of me, but maybe this could be a mistake…

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**Please tell me what you think!**

**THX**


	13. Mr Huntzberger

Thanks for your reviews!

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I come back to my house around three o'clock in the afternoon. Honor and I had spent the  
rest of the morning talking about Logan and me and that whole disaster.

When Ally and I arrive at our house there are paparazzos everywhere taking  
pictures and screaming questions. I ignore them like always and enter my house.

My maid already expects us and takes Ally to bring her upstairs for a short nap,  
because she hasn't really slept the previous night. 

Before she goes with Ally she tells me: "Mr. Huntzberger is in the living room,  
waiting for you."

I'm shocked at the first moment. Why is Logan waiting for me in the living room?

I look into the mirror in the hallway and straighten my hair a little bit, before  
going into the living room, however when I enter the room it is not Logan that greets me,  
but Mitchum. 

"Mitchum" I say surprised.

"Hello Rory, nice to finally found you!" he says and stands up.

I look at him confused and shake his hand, before sitting down on the opposite   
side of the couch.  
The events of the dinner at the Huntzberger mansion are flowing back into my  
mind and I'm really curious now why he is here, because I had expected to not  
see one of the Huntzbergers in a long time, at least as long as it is possible  
to ignore each other in Hartford society without being really rude.

"So, to what do I owe this pleasure?" I ask a little bit coldly.

Mitchum recognizes my intonation and jumps right into the topic.

"This is not about something personal, or the union of our families.  
I'm here about business so please let us talk about business and  
only business." He says and makes his point, that we ignore the events of the  
dinner, clear.

"When this is about business then why are you here?" I ask because I'm surprised  
that he comes to my house personally just to talk about business.

"Well there are certain things we have to talk about, I tried to reach you all last night and this morning but when I was unable decided to come over here today." He says.

"I'm sorry about that. I was busy and wasn't expecting an important call." I  
answer him as the events of the previous night once again flow back into my mind.

"Whatever, I'm here now and after much consideration I have decided that you should change to another paper." He said quickly.

"What?" I answer surprised. "But why?"

"Why do you need a reason? I decided I want you to take over more responsibility and have a better job and that's all there is to it. I don't understand why you are so surprised!"

"Why do you want me to take over more responsibility?" I ask, because I just  
don't understand where this all is coming from.

"You won't let me go before I explain my decision, right?" he asks and looks at me   
with a slight smirk on his face.

"No" I answer "and by the way: Which paper am I being moved to?"

"The New York Times" he answers smugly knowing form Logan and myself that it has been my dream to work there for as long as I can remember. 

"The …? Oh my god." I'm totally speechless now. The New York Times is the  
biggest paper that the Huntzbergers own. Now I really don't understand why  
Mitchum wants me to work for them, even if he started to believe in my qualities  
over the last years I never would have expected this.

"I would have to say, you're impressed?!" he says.

"Yeah I'm, but why?" I ask again.

"I will be honest. There are a lot of reasons and the dinner made me think about  
all this." He says vaguely not really answering my question.

"Explain yourself, please." I say and look him right in the eyes so he knows that I mean business. I want an answer!

He sighs and starts explaining.

"Well, Ally is our granddaughter and I love her more than anything else in the  
world even if the circumstances of her birth weren't the best. She is  
important and I want her to live in a family that cares about one and another.  
You are a part of this family now wether you want it or not. Your daughter has the last  
name Huntzberger and even if you don't it binds us together for the rest of our  
lives. You have worked for Huntzberger publishing for some years now and I think that  
as a part of this family it isn't acceptable that you are still just the editor of  
a small paper. If you want to stay at Huntzberger publishing you have to get a  
better job."

While he's talking my feelings switch all the time. At the beginning I'm really  
touched about what he says about Ally, but later I become really angry. He  
doesn't want me to work because of my skills at the New York Times. He just  
wants to show the status of the family because again he is afraid of  
loosing his society mask, and of course he is afraid that Ally will not be the  
perfect heiress that he wants her to be.

"I can't believe you" I say angry. "I thought I made myself clear at dinner. I  
don't care about society or status. And I will never let Ally care about it. She  
is Logan's and my daughter and we decide how we live our life with her and how  
we live our life. This is none of your business. If you have something really  
important, you can call, right now: feel free to leave." I say before turning  
around and leaving the room.

I go into the kitchen still fuming inside. I can't believe that he really came  
here to give me such a job offer, just because he wants to act like I am a part  
of the family.

I take my favorite mug out of the board and brew some coffee. I sit down at the kitchen island and take the first sip of my hot coffee breathing in the heavenly aroma that eases my nerves and settles my anger. This always calms me down. 

The telephone rings and I pick it up.

"Rory Gilmore" I say.

"Hey daughter of mine. How are we today?" my mum says bubbly.

"Hey mum, I'm fine" I answer.

"You're fine? You sound grumpy." She answers.

"Maybe a little bit" admit. I always had a great relationship with my mother   
and she always supported me especially when I was pregnant with Ally.

"Tell mummy!" she says and I can hear concern in her voice.

I start telling her everything that happened in the last days. The fact that  
Logan hasn't dated for such a long time, me asking him the question, the dinner  
at the Huntzbergers and of course about last night and the surprise visit from  
Mitchum.   
After I finished she says, " Oh honey!, I know that was a lot to take in all at once huh?"

"Yeah it was and I just don't know what to do." I answer exhausted.

"I really would like to help you, but I think that you have to get through this  
alone, But I can offer you some advice if you want to hear it!"

"Of course I want to hear it!" I answer, because even if I'm 28 years old and  
myself a mum, I still need the advice of my mum from time to time.

"Go to Logan and talk to him. You have a child together and this can't be   
standing between the two of you, BUT before you go there make sure that you know  
what you want. Now about Mitchum and the job offer, I know these are the wrong  
reasons, but you can't risk loosing your job because of this and the offer is really great" she says.

"Are you serious?" I ask surprised.

"Honey I know it is a stupid situation but you know how his family is, you knew it when you met and chose to get involved with Logan, are you really that surprised?" She  
answers.

"But I don't want to have a job, just because he thinks that I have to fit  
better into this family."

"I know you don't, but I don't see any other way. Maybe you should wait a little  
bit and see what happens. Or talk to Logan about this too, he probably knows best   
how to handle his father." She suggests.

I calm down a little more and think about my mother's words. Of course she is right like so  
many times before I think to myself, rolling my eyes with a small smile.

"Thanks mum!" I say into the phone.

"You're welcome." She answers.

"I need to go, and honey don't worry too much it all will work out." She says wisely  
before hanging up.

Talking to my mother always helps me a lot and I feel much better right now. I  
decide to take a shower so I go upstairs and into my bathroom, strip out  
of my clothes and turn on the water. I step into the shower and let the water  
run over my body. I can feel myself start to relax and unwind with every minute I spend  
there under the soothing hot water, just thinking about nothing and everything all at once.

After finishing my shower, I put on some sweat pants and an old Yale t-shirt and  
start reading one of my favourite books while lying on my bed.

I am totally lost in my book when I hear little foot steps on the floor. I look   
up an see Ally in her pyjamas coming towards my bed.

"Hey sleepy head" I say and pick her up when she reaches my bed.

"Did you sleep well?" I ask, while she snuggles close to me. She just nods in  
response and I put my arm around her and hold her by my side. Oh well, I think to myslef, I guess I will talk to Logan in the morning and figure everything out then.

These are moments were I can't be happier. Just me and my daughter sitting in my   
bed. These are the moments where everything is so perfect that it can't be real.  
But I live for these moments. They make my life worth living!

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**Now I wanna say a huge THANK YOU to my beta Tereza8472. Thanks for helping me with the story. You're wonderful!**

Please don't leave without a review!

THX


	14. running isn't an option

**Thank you for all your reviews! **

**And a special and big THANK YOU to my beta Tereza8472!!!**

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During the next day I thought about Logan and my situation a lot. I couldn't stop thinking about the night we spent together and all the feelings that cameback. I tried to convince myself that the feelings were so intense becauseI hadn't had any sex since Ally was born, but it just wouldn't work. Who am I kidding, I know the truth.

I knew that there was more than just the feeling of lust. Between Logan and me  
there was always more than just that.

Our relationship was always very physically, but thatwas the way we expressed our  
feelings for eachother. We didn't just have sex, we made love.

And this time it wasn't different at all. We made love and expressed our   
feelings, that was a fact and after some time I began to accept it.

The thing was just that I didn't know what to think about it. After all there  
were still a lot of problems between us, because you can't ignore three and a  
half years of nearly not talking to each other, just because you spent one night   
together. And the biggest thing was that we had a daughter together, that was  
involved in all our decisions.  
In addition to all that comes my problems with Mitchum. Well, sometimes life was  
really complicated.

I decided that the only way out of all this problems was to talk to Logan.  
This decision was tough for me, because I wasn't the type of person who  
faced their problems. No, usually I would run away and ignore it, but running  
wasn't an option this time.

I didn't see or talk to anybody for the rest of the weekend except of Ally and  
my maid. When it was finally Monday I started my weekly routine, but had in the back of my mind, that I had to contact Logan and I had to do it soon.

I got Ally ready for her pre-school and I was lucky that we  
finished in time, so I wouldnt be late to work.

At seven thirty we left the house and walked towards my car. I buckled Ally into  
the back of my car into her seat and closed the door. When we drove through the front gate there were still all the paparazzo, they had stayed there the whole weekend, trying to get some pictures.  
I wondered why they were so interested in me again, but ignored it and drove to  
Ally's school.

When I finally had Ally safe inside her school, after being followed by  
paparazzo, I drove to work. I arrived totally on time and went into my office to  
check my schedule for today. I had a meeting at eight, so I still had  
plenty of time. I sat there thinking that I should just do it, I should call Logan, but I couldnt pick up the phone.

I looked over some files on my desk but had a hard time concentrating on one of  
them, because I couldn't stop thinking about Logan. I took a deep breath and   
looked out of the window for some minutes to get my concentration back. When I  
finally looked back at the work in front of me my mind immediately wandered back  
to Logan.

I sighed and decided that this was no better or worse time to call him and so I   
picked up the phone and dialled his office number.

I was greeted by his secretary at the third ring.  
"Good morning" I said. "This is Rory Gilmore I would like to speak to Logan"

"Of course Miss Gilmore" she said. "Just one moment"

The music started playing and I became really nervous. I tried to steady my  
breath a little bit and closed my eyes for a moment to calm down.  
After some moments he finally answered the phone.

"Huntzberger" he said and I could hear in his voice that he was annoyed.

"Hey Logan, it's Rory" I said.

"Rory" he simply said.

I wasn't sure how to respond and so I started: "I was just calling…, well … I…"   
I stopped my sentence, because know I realised that I wasn't so sure anymore why  
I was calling. I knew that I wanted to talk to him, but how? On the phone? Or  
should we meet?  
Luckily he spoke and made that decision for me.

"We should meet there are a lot of things we need to talk about." He said and I  
wondered why his voice sounded so harsh.

"Yeah we should" I answered and after some time I asked:" Logan is everything   
alright?"

"Yeah, well, no, I will tell you when we meet, can I pick you up from work  
around seven?" he asked.

"Sure" I answered.

"Okay I will be there at seven" he said. "Bye Ror"

"Bye" I answered.

After I hung up the phone I was totally confused. Why did he acted so strange? I  
tried to ignore it and make sure that this evening everything would work out  
fine. I called Honor to ask her if she could watch Ally, of course she agreed  
immediately.

For the rest of the day I tried to not think about Logan too much and   
concentrate on my work. It worked for the most part of the day and seven o'clock  
came faster than I thought it would be.

I heard a knock on my door, while I was still totally occupied in my work. I  
wondered who it could be and just said :  
"Enter"

I looked up, as the door opened and saw Logan standing in the door frame. I  
looked at my watch and saw that it was already seven o'clock.

"Oh sorry, I forgot about the time. I would have met you outside the building" I  
said while getting up and gathering my jacket and purse.

"No problem, I think it is better this way." He said.

I looked at him quizzically.

"I think it would be the best if we talk here." He continued.

We didn't talk about a place for talking but I hadn't expected that we would  
talk in the office. That seemed to me totally strange. I looked at Logan and saw  
that he seemed to be concerned and I wondered why.

"Okay" I said slowly.

Logan approached me and took my hand in his, this send a shiver through my whole  
body. He always had this effect on me. Just one touch and my mind went totally  
blank.

He lead me to the sofa on one side of my office and we sat down. I looked at him   
and became really nervous.

"Logan, what's wrong?" I asked him.

"Where there paparazzo following you today?" he asked out of the blue.

"Yes… why?" I asked confused.

"They know" he said, as if that would explain everything.

"They know what?" I asked.

"They know about us spending the night together." He said.

I was totally shocked at the first moment. We had enough problems without the   
whole world knowing about this and now there were even more things we had to  
face. My mind turned around several times and suddenly it all made sense. Me  
feeling like some one was following me when I left Logan's house and the  
paparazzo spending the whole weekend in front of my house.

"Rory?" he asked softly and touched my cheek. After he said why what was wrong I  
totally turned out.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Is everything okay?"

I looked at him and could feel tears starting to form in my eyes.

"I don't know" I said, because it was the truth. I didn't know how to react to  
that. I had made up my mind about Logan and me and I was going to tell him that  
tonight, but this changed everything. This made every possibility of me and  
Logan starting new again much more complicated.

"I just don't know" I said, while tears starting to fall down my cheeks.  
"Hey Rory, stop crying" said Logan, while he started to rub my arms to sooth me.

"It will all work out, it isn't the first time that the gutter press is talking  
about us."

"I know… it's just…" I said between sobs.

"What? What is it?" he asked me and looked into my eyes.

I looked away and said: "The whole thing with us and… I don't know it is  
complicated enough and now it will be make into a scandal and our families will  
be angry and… now we wont get to have our second chance." I said between breaths and sobs.

"No don't say that! Don't say we can't get a second chance. If we want a second  
chance there will be one, but we have to want to. Rory look at me." He said and   
put his finger under my chin so that I had to look at him.

"Do you want a second chance?" he asked me.

I looked into his hazel eyes which were filled with so much love and emotionfor me, as if nothing had changed in the past three years and we were still in as much love as we were before everything went wrong. My heart was screaming was: YES! My head was screaming : Take your time and think this trough! I decided for onece to follow my heart and tell my head to shut up!

I smiled at him and whispered: "I want a second chance!" Instead of responding  
he just grinned a happy smile and then he kissed me.

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**Please tell me what you think and don't leave without pressing the wonderful purple button!!!**

THX


	15. I'm just really happy

Hey guys! I know I haven't updated in a while, but I hope that you are still interested in my story!

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His lips on mine felt like heaven on earth, but I knew that we couldn't go onlike that again. We had to talk about so many things.

"Logan" I said, between kisses.

He just groaned in response.

"Logan we have to stop!" I said and pushed him a little bit away.

"Why?" he asked confused, still a little bit out of breath.

"We have to talk about this whole thing if we want to make our relationship  
work!" I said and looked into his beautiful brown eyes.

"Rory… I don't wanna talk about. I talked so much today. I just wanna forget  
everything except how I feel when I'm with you."

"Believe me, me too. But I want to make this work this time so we need to talk!" I  
said sternly.

He sighed exhausted and I could totally understand that. I felt so happy about  
the fact that we will work things out, and all I wanted to do was celebrate with  
him, but that just wasn't possible right now, unfortunately.

" We have to figure out how we are going to make this work." I said and looked  
at Logan.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well we haven't really talked in the past three years. We don't know each other  
any more really. How can we have a relationship if we don't know each other?"

"But we know each other, you are the person who knows everything about me. The  
person I could tell anything. Why do you think we don't know each other?"

"I'm not saying that it has changed that we know everything about each other,  
but a lot has changed in the past three years. All I'm saying is that I think we  
should take things slow." I answered and hoped that he understood me.

"What do you mean by taking things slow?" he asked a little warily.

"I mean, that maybe we should just try to feel comfortable with seeing each  
other on a regular basis again!"

"But Rory we have seen each other in the past three years on a regular basis,  
too!" Logan answered.

"I know we did, but we just saw each other because of Ally. I mean getting  
comfortable with spending time just the two of us."

Logan smirked and put his hand on my thigh.  
"Rory, I'm totally comfortable with spending alone time with you."

"Logan!" I said frustrated but couldn't stop myself from smiling, like always he had an answer for everything I came up with and I cant really say that I minded it all that much.  
"I mean something like dates, not sex, well of course it involves sex, but … you  
know what I mean."

"You wanna date me?" he asked and looked at me surprised. "You wanna date the  
father of your child?"

"I think so... yes." I answered.

Logan thought about it for a moment before saying,

"Ok, I guess this is a possible way of starting slowly...so... can we celebrate our  
new relationship now?" he asked smirking and leaned closer into me.

I crashed my lips onto his. "Definitely!"

When I came down the stairs the next morning, Ally was sitting at the kitchen  
table eating breakfast with our maid.

"Good morning, sweetheart." I said and kissed the top of her head.

"Good morning, mummy" she answered and smiled at me.

"You want some coffee?" asked my maid.

"Yes please, thank you." I answered and sat down across from Ally.

We ate breakfast and Ally told me about her day at school. After a few minutes  
she stopped and looked at me.

"Mummy, are you listening?" she asked me.

"What? Oh yes of course, go on." I said. I had listened to her, but my thoughts  
were most of the time by Logan and last night, which we had partly spent in my  
office; celebrating our new found relationship.

"I was finished!" Ally said.

"Oh of course." I said.

"Mummy, why are you smiling all the time?" Ally asked me and looked at me.

I looked into my daughters eyes and saw so much of Logan in her. I smiled a bit  
brighter at her and said: "I'm just really happy!"

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**Hope you liked it. Please let me know what you think!**

**THX KAtharina **


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